pregnancy

WITW?  IDRA, DTMIO?

Translation:  What in the world?  I don't read acronyms, does that mean I'm old?  Part of my job here at HugaMonkey is to be active in forums and "get in touch with the common (wo)man", to take a page from Obama's book.   I cruise sites like Baby Center and see what the peeps are all abuzz about.  And I must confess, it's not easy.

Maybe it's because I've never texted.  Oh, yeah, you read that right.  I don't text.  And I survive just fine, thank you.  Oh, I've got the basics down by now.  BRB, lol, etc.  But some of them are more confusing to a newbie like me.  It took me ages to figure out DCP (day car providor), and people use BC for either birth control, before children, or because.  Now that could be confusing.  Here are some of my favorites:

BFN big fat negative (pregnancy test)

BM either breast milk OR bowel movement.  Maybe you're just better off typing out the whole word, IMHO (in my honest/humble opinion)

BD  baby dance (sex)

GB  get busy (sex)

DTB   down to business (sex)

DTD  do the deed (sex) - it's funny that the acronym is just as long as the word, and takes more syllables to say.

CWIM  see what I mean

POAS  pee on a stick (take a pregnancy test)

This is clearly a very small list.  Some sites have translators that have hundreds of acronyms and abbreviations,  I mean, A&A's.  So, as I usually do when something is weirding me out, I wrote a poem.

Mom, Abbreviated.

While changing my DS today (I don't know how you could CD)

My MS made me CIO and go totally OT.

So DH and DD came TMR with some IC

IMHO they are the best, TWI, OMG.

PG sometimes is NTB, but it's seriously NP

I love being a SAHM, I LOL constantly

IRL it's NBD to just RWTP

Sadness is not funny. 

"I want to do something funny."  I told my business partners at our last meeting.   I felt daunted by having to write a huge blog post every day about something I didn't really care about.  "Go for it!" was their response.   If you're a mom, you know that enough ridiculous and bizarre things happen to fill a book.

Then I miscarried.  I spent a few days crying, feeling like it was a perfectly suited ending to a year long struggle for pregnancy.  I was supposed to have written a handful of clevery, witty, light pieces to post by now.  I haven't been feeling to light a witty.

It's easier, though, with three kids around, to pull yourself out of a rut.  My very first pregnancy ended at 13 weeks, and it was miserable.  I thought I would surely die of sadness.  It's a lot more difficult to curl up in your bed and wallow when three little bodies are laying around you, giggling, telling knock-knock jokes, and asking for pancakes in the shape of a hammer. 

My sweet hubby went grocery shopping and brought back a lovely boquet.  My mom is going to take the kids to her house for a couple of days so I can rest and get some things done (eight month old kitchen project, I'm looking at you).  Church was a wonderful pick-me-up.

Look forward, dear readers, to joviality and fun and silliness.  But today, just let me be.  But if you're severly disappointed, here you go:

"Funny Things Olivia Says"

Upon returning home from a magic show, I told Liv that my favorite part was when the lovely assistant got cut in thirds wth 2 giant blades and then the magician slid her midsection out sideways.   I was so excited, and exclaimed, "How did they DO that!!!"   She looked at me, expressionless, and replied, "Mom, they're musicians."

When you have a new baby you know how sleep-deprived you can get. It begins in the last few months of your pregnancy; the tossing, the turning and the trying to get comfortable. Unfortunately, just when you think the condition will get better after you give birth, you bring home your new bundle of joy and realize that a good night's sleep is still a long way away.

However, there are some things you can do to ensure that you don't spend all day wandering your house like a zombie. It's astounding on how little sleep a mother can function, but that doesn't mean you want to function on just a little sleep. Be sneaky and fit sleep in as much as you can during the day. Here are some ways that you can cope with little sleep in those first few months of motherhood.

It's a cliché that all new moms hear everywhere; at their baby showers, in the hospital, even from strangers. Sleep when the baby sleeps! It's easier said than done. When the baby finally goes for a nap, you're probably consumed with all of the things that need to get done; the laundry needs to be washed, dried, and put away; dinner needs to be started; e-mail needs to be checked and written. But remember to take at least one nap with the baby for the day.

Wait for your significant other to come home and help with laundry, or enlist a friend to make you a few dinners so that you can get some rest. And remember that all of those things can wait until both you and the baby are awake and you can pop him into his baby sling to do them. He'll love the movement from the baby sling while you do chores, and you'll be more rested, happy and have more energy to tackle those tasks if you take a nap first.

One of the first questions you will be asked upon declaring your pregnancy, after "When is your due date?" is "Do you have names picked out?" This is one of the funnest parts of expecting a baby. Not only have you created this little one with your DNA, but you can help to choose his or her identity by the name or names you bestow upon them. Undoubtedly, you want your child to be unique, and they will be. A name can and sometimes does precede us, so choose wisely.

Though a sense of humor is a great character trait to possess, I would strongly suggest curbing the urge to be funny in this particular instance. Working with the public over the years as a waitress among other jobs, I have come across some pretty silly names. I remember waiting on a customer and asking how he was doing that night. He told me that he was fine, really. I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but his wife told me the story-their last name is Fine. So even if they aren't in fact fine on a particular day, they really are Fine. Last names aren't given to us by choice, so work with what you've got. I don't think it would be very nice if your last name was say, Case, to name your son Justin. There are undoubtedly hundreds of stories about humorous name choices, but I have chosen a few of my favorite examples to share with you.