Poop. Barf.

Those are the two reasons I can think of to NOT buy the baby sling I found online last night. It cost (and you may want to sit down for this) $1,120. For those of you who think your contacts are fuzzy and read that wrong, I'll tell you again. One thousand one hundred twenty dollars.

Seriously? I remember walking around the block with my infant all snuggled up in the sling one sunny morning. I reached my hand up to pat his little back through the sling, and felt that stickiness that sends needles down your spine. Yup, a blowout. U-turn back home, strip down, stain stick, load of laundry. Voila! It all came out. We were back to walking in no time.

I wonder what's going through your mind when a blowout happens in an eleven-hundred dollar sling. Because mark my words, it will happen. If not the blowout, then the puke-out. Or the spilling of grape juice from the sippy cup. To what extent are you going to go in order to protect that rare Laotian hand-woven silk? Maybe I could invent a plastic suit for babies so no sort of fluid can escape. Better yet, maybe carrying a baby in that sling should just be out of the question all together. Yeah. Poop happens.