Parents Say the Darnedest Things

Sometimes I'm a good dad. Sometimes I'm a bad dad. Because I really love my kids and want the best for them, I found the following tips very helpful.

1. "You're the best!"

What they hear: "Your job in life is to make me happy."
A better way to say it: "You should be proud of how hard you worked."

2. "Watch your language!"

What they hear: "I've tuned out what you're really trying to say."
A better way to say it: "I'm so glad you came to talk to me, but I have one request for the future. I find that word offensive, so please don't use it."

3. "We can't afford that."

What they hear: "Money is the answer to everything."
A better way to say it: "The store is filled with great things today, but we've got lots at home already and we're not going to bring home anything more."

4. "Don't worry -- it'll be okay."

What they hear: "You're such a drama queen!"
A better way to say it: "I totally understand what you must have gone through. Tell me about it."

5. "Don't talk to strangers."

What they hear: "Anyone you don't know is trying to hurt you."
A better way to say it: "Don't talk to people who make you feel uncomfortable. Here's how to tell."

6. "Make sure you share."

What they hear: "Give away your stuff."
A better way to say it: "Jesse would like to play with your race car for a while, but it's still yours and he will give it back."

7. "Why did you (miss your curfew, hit your sister, etc.)?"

What they hear: "You messed up again."
A better way to say it: "My guess is that you missed your curfew because you were having fun and didn't want to come home, but that's still not okay."

[source: Inspire Your Kids by Cynthia Dermody]

I catch myself saying a lot of the same things! Its because it's the easier route to go. Did you notice how the "better way" usually has more words? Thats because it spells out exactly what you're feeling and leaves no room for misinterpretation.

This techniques are great for interacting with anyone - not just our kids!